More Carnage! More Prizes! I LIKE IT!

Mood: In it to win it, baby.
Music: Accidents Will Happen, Elvis Costello
Game: World of Warcraft, Call of Duty, Forza, Planetside.
Book: Fearful Warriors, Ralph K. White
Muffin: Blackberry-Peach.
Punchline: “What the fuck does he need a sheetrocker for?”

I’ve decided to put the mood line back in the status lines up top because archivally, I want to know what my mood was when I re-read my life.

Last night was more Forza madness. I think I’m getting a little better…but not much. My problem, as I imagine the fundamental challenge is in racing games, is consistency. I can’t seem to ever run the same laps the same way. While I might have a pretty good lap, I certainly can’t maintain that pace or whatever.

It’s a single error that will totally screw your lap times…and when you’re playing against machines like Wifey, Phyxie, and Frag, that’s a mess of time you won’t be getting back.

I’m still enjoying it, so there’s that.

Last week we completely slaughtered the challengers during the CoD match. We had played Rx before, and beaten them, and while it wasn’t particularly close for the final, the initial round was pretty close. I guess they figured that we were an easy target, that we somehow got lucky last time…and ended up being very, very wrong.

We owned them from the first shot fired to the last radio capped. And they felt it. There was no sticking around to congratulate, no “good games.” Plain humiliation. They couldn’t withstand the coordination. Our aim was no better or worse…but our tactics, communication, and coordination were FAR superior. I could sense their frustration towards the middle of the first round…and by the middle of the second round, it was plain obvious that they had come apart at the seams.

While they were getting more tense, less coordinated, and killed more frequently, we were getting looser, tighter, and simply killing them at will. The joking started happening, the attempts at pistolwhipping instead of killing, and the discipline loosened up…but it was far too late for them at that point.

In spite of the fact that we don’t really practice, we really are very good. It has to do with our basic skills, our willingness to die to remove a thread, and our tactical attitude. We know the game is about the radio. The rest just doesn’t matter.

Also interesting, I’m sort of getting back into World of Warcraft. I played my alt a lot last weekend, and this weekend, I think I’ll play more of my rogue. I’d like to get instancing again, and because a bunch of people (some of whom I didn’t really get along with for a variety of reasons) left the guild. The leaner, happier guild is probably going to be a lot more fun to play with.

It is the 4th of July this weekend…which means it’s almost time for my now famous summer sorbet party. If you’d like an invite, just let me know! Over a dozen yummy sorbet flavors, lots of laughs, and the chance to hang out in Brooklyn!

I’ll try to post more…but working in the same room as my boss has definitely put a damper on my ability to slack…..

Slacking.

Music: None
Game: World of Warcraft, Call of Duty, Forza, Planetside.
Book: The Lost Art of War, Sun Tzu II, Cleary Translation.
Muffin: No muffin…it’s Sunday night.
Punchline: None.

Is it me…or has everyone who has a blog just stopped updating on any sort of schedule?

I guess summer rips whatever motivation you have to sit down and write right out of your head.

I was updating because I found this kinda neato mood thingie that I think I’m gonna use on the blog. Tell me whatcha think! I placed it on the left nav instead of in the body. I think I like it there better.

I wish I had a Stella D’Oro Swiss Fudge Cookie. But I don’t. So I remain cookieless.

And now…time to get into bed.

Night all.

Skip a day, wreck a car.

Mood: Still vaguely sick.
Music: None.
Game: World of Warcraft, Call of Duty, Forza, Planetside.
Book: The Lost Art of War, Sun Tzu II, Cleary Translation.
Muffin: None…wasn’t in the mood.
Punchline: None.

I know, I know. I just haven’t felt like writing much.

Yesterday was Forza racing night with the gang I used to XBox Live with. I, of course, was a menace on the track, being perfectly good at wrecking my own car, and finishing dead last.

Anyway, I’m kind of busy today…but I wanted to know that I was thinking of you all. Sorta.

More tomorrow, if I’m not completely slammed again at work.

Out with the new, in with the old…

Mood: Still Sick.
Music: None.
Game: World of Warcraft, Call of Duty, Forza, Planetside.
Book: The Lost Art of War, Sun Tzu II, Cleary Translation.
Muffin: Raspberry-Sweet Plum.
Punchline: None.

OK…it doesn’t happen often, but sometimes, there’s a real drought in games. Yes, new games get released every week…but most games are trite rehashes or patently utter crap.

Then again, summer isn’t exactly well known for game releases. People spend more time outside than inside playing games. There’s no major gift giving holidays. And if you’re waiting until July/August, you might as well hold out for November. Give you a few months more hype, and the joy of the holiday purchasing frenzy.

But here’s the deal: Lately, I’ve been more into the “Jump in and play” mode, rather than the “Plan my game day” mode. Which means I’m far better suited to first person shooters and racing games than role playing games.

I rented Forza from Gamefly…and found that I really like it. Turns out that all the fellas I used to Live! game with are into it in a big way…so I bought it.

Let me be the first to state this for the record: I patently SUCK at racing games…especially driving games. I think it’s because I have no finesse with a controller. The accelerator is either not down, or stuck against the floor boards. The brake is binary for me…not analog. So all the feathery fine control schemas and tactics? Lost on me entirely. Point me in a direction, and pull the trigger.

But largely, my gaming experience is social. I find myself playing solo games less and less. The last one I tried, Jade Empires, held my attention for about 6 hours. I can’t do it. I need socialization and some real competition.

So I’ve been enjoying it anyway. I’m really enjoying designing the paint schemes on the cars as well. I’m not any good at that, either…but it IS fun.

The fellas have also picked up Planetside again. It’s definitely a fun game. Run and gun, some tactics, and getting to be the space commando you always wanted to be. Death is an annoyance, but not terribly so…although the frustration of being killed 30 times in a row with a chaingun is still there. Whatever…it’s something new/old.

Drama check:

Lastly, yesterday, something vaguely disturbing happened. I was messing about with Forza, because I wanted to practice a bit before getting slaughtered on Tuesday at Jay’s weekly race. I invited a few people on my friends list, and no one responded. Figured they were all in their own world, whatever.

So I race a bit by myself, then check my friends list again. Seems that Vitamin B and Keg O War are racing, and I can join them. So I do. Just in time to hear Vitamin B say “I’m gonna go invisible for a while. Justicar invited me to play. I didn’t even know I still had him on my friends list. I definitely don’t ever want to play with him.” They talked a bit more…had no idea I was there. Didn’t want to interrupt, so I left the room…kinda shocked.

Now…I don’t really know Vitamin B. He’s a friend of a friend kind of thing. But I’ll be good and goddamned if I know what I did or said to him to make him say something like that to someone else “behind my back.” I have to admit that it bothered me a lot.

I don’t need everyone to like me. Heck, I don’t like a bunch of people myself. But I don’t go hiding from those people…and I don’t say things like that to mutual friends of theirs. Hell, I never met the guy…never even had a conversation with him. No idea what his issue is. But, depending on my mood, I might just ask him on Tuesday at the race.

Because, you know, he never wants to play with me again. Maybe he’ll get his wish.

Ow.

Mood: Sick.
Music: Goodnight Moon, Shivaree.
Game: World of Warcraft, Call of Duty, Guild Wars, Forza.
Book: The Lost Art of War, Sun Tzu II, Cleary Translation.
Muffin: Blueberry-Sweet Plum.
Punchline: None.

My face feels like it’s filled with lead. There’s actual pressure at my cheekbones, and my nose is clogged completely.

At work anyway. Can’t miss much more…need to save the vacation days.

Migrating data to the new fileserver. The new fileserver kicks much ass. Dual processor, hot swappable SCSI drives in a RAID 5 array, dual redundant power supplies, redundant memory (!), and dual Gigabit ethernet ports. Rocks solid. Sounds like a Harrier taking off when it starts up.

Had to rebuild the security model, file structure, etc etc etc.

Boring, yet strangely satisfying to organize that much data…and secure it properly.

Supposed to be going to see Batman tonight…if my face doesn’t explode before then….

And then, the blare of the trumpets of Victory

Mood: Still sick…yet victorious.
Music: The loud turbine hum of computer fans and the roar of the air conditioner.
Game: World of Warcraft, Call of Duty, Guild Wars, Forza.
Book: The Lost Art of War, Sun Tzu II, Cleary Translation.
Muffin: None…haven’t left the house.
Punchline: None.

Since I had some time today, I upgraded and tweaked the blog engine.

And now…registered commenting works!

No more blog spam!

Take that you fools!

Please register to comment!

Man down!

Mood: Sick.
Music: The loud turbine hum of computer fans.
Game: World of Warcraft, Call of Duty, Guild Wars, Forza.
Book: The Lost Art of War, Sun Tzu II, Cleary Translation.
Muffin: None…haven’t left the house.
Punchline: None.

Woke up this morning with my chest feeling like an elephant was sitting on it, and my head was filled with goo.

One of my bosses has been walking around with this really horrific sounding cough…and me with the bullshit constitution I’ve had lately, scooped up all those fabulous germs and incubated my own little colony.

I knew I was getting sick a few days ago. My throat was scratchy, and I was feeling kinda achy…not for any particular reason, and then I knew it was coming.

I’ve been producing wonderful amounts of stuff from my lungs and sinuses. If you have any use for it, please let me know. I feel like I could make a killing in the market right now.

So, I will be at home, in sweats, under a blanket, sleeping after I do the dishes and take out the garbage.

Please feel free to send chicken soup.

Boom.

Mood: Vaguely achy.
Music: Big in Japan, Alphaville.
Game: World of Warcraft, Call of Duty, Guild Wars, Forza.
Book: The Lost Art of War, Sun Tzu II, Cleary Translation.
Muffin: Blueberry-Peach.
Punchline: “Poof.”

The heat’s caused its first major casualty in my apartment. I don’t consider my sleep patterns to be dead…just severely wounded and disfigured.

Last night, my ATI Radeon 9700 All-In-Wonder basically gave up and freaked. Little green boxes showed up in a checkerboard pattern, and since I was in the middle of a round of Call of Duty, texture boundaries lost vertices and shot bizarre angled planes of texture all over the screen. It was like being in a crystal forest made of WWII textures.

I shut down, and replaced the card with a spare 9700 I had lying around. (Who the hell keeps a spare 9700?) Machine came right back up, and worked fine for the rest of the night.

The video card I removed was HOT. Not hot like they usually get…but hot enough to burn me if I wasn’t careful. Now, considering that my new air conditioner was blowing directly on the open case of my computer, and the fan on the card was running (I checked) I figure the card is basically screwed.

No downtime for gaming, but all of a sudden I’m out a $300+ card…which kinda sucks.

While I was clearing stuff away from underneath the window in which I was going to install my air conditioner I accidentally knocked a dead hard drive off a box it was resting on…and had it land directly on the second toe of my right foot. Blood everywhere, and the nail turned black and blue immediately. After hopping around cursing for a while, I bandaged my toe, cleaned up the blood and went out with Adam to pick up my air conditioner. I installed it with him and everything, with my toe throbbing and oozing the whole time. Even today it’s sore and tender…although no longer bleeding. Hurts a bit to walk on it…but I think that’s the bruise under the nail. It’s not broken…so I got that going for me…which is nice.

I also got an email yesterday from one of the moderators of a site I used to write for and work on. It seems he and a few of the old time moderators are quitting, because they’re getting tired of being told nothing and treated like low-pay employees that don’t get paid.

The current owner of the site (who bought it from the guy who founded it, and brought all of us on) responded to the letter of resignation with this classy line: “We can’t and won’t be sharing top level information anytime soon. There’s too many leaks in the system and not enough people I trust.”

A great way to motivate a volunteer staff, right? “I’m not going to tell you anything because I don’t trust any of you.” And these are people who have been working on the site for YEARS before he got there. Building, designing, maintaining order, making people laugh. And he comes in and says “I don’t trust any of you.”

Matter of time before the whole site collapses under the weight of incompetence and bureaucracy it’s become. Too bad, really. It was an important part of my life for a while there.

I’ve been getting home from work, and not doing anything but turning on the air conditioner and playing games. I should pay some bills, organize my Limewear business expenses so I can close the business entity, do my dishes…chores in general. I just have no energy to do it. Maybe I’ll take a day or two off or something, and use that time off to really clean up properly, get my chores done, polish my resume once more and send it out a few times.

Sounds pretty good, really. Time to find out how much vacation time I have left….

Shields.

Mood: Warm.
Music: Everybody Knows, Concrete Blonde.
Game: World of Warcraft, Call of Duty, Guild Wars.
Book: Mirrorshades, Various.
Muffin: Strawberry-Sweet Plum.
Punchline: Nothing amusing…

Woke up with the alarm clock at 6:45am…and promptly decided to sleep through it. Woke up again at 7:30am…but the thermometer showed 84 degrees on the wall. I stood there wondering what to do, and then I crawled back onto my bed. I finally pried myself out of bed at 8:30am…which is about a half hour after I need to leave for work to be later than I should be getting to work.

When I got out of bed and showered and such, I felt almost human, save for the distinctly tropical feel in my apartment. I hate leaving my apartment feeling like I need a shower already. When I left my front door, I turned left, as I always do…and noticed a mess of emergency vehicles. Figured a car accident or something…yellow tape and such, EMS vehicle, cops milling around.

Now, I know a little something about accident sites. I know that if it’s pretty much over, the cops mill around, people stand around looking, and there’s no real urgency. Fender benders happen all the time. The EMS guys are talking to some guy who hurt his head or chest or something, and the cops are talking to witnesses.

In this case, the EMS guys aren’t doing anything but talking to cops, and the cops are not really doing anything. This is the indication that whatever’s happened is over…and not always in a good way.

As I got closer to the scene, I saw the blue ripstop sheet covering something on the ground and a mangled bicycle against the curb. And then the leg poking out from under the sheet.

This is NOT the way to start a day. It just isn’t. It isn’t the way for that cyclist to have started his. It’s not the way for the driver of the other vehicle to start their day. Not the way for cops or EMS guys to start theirs. It certainly wasn’t the way for me to start mine.

Now, don’t get me wrong…I don’t get all sick and such from events like this. I’ve seen stuff like this before…and many far worse. I handle this stuff pretty well, really. But it’s still not something I wanted to deal with this morning. It puts all the wrong signals in your head. It sets your mood, and adjusts priorities.

I don’t really want to think too heavily on the guy under the sheet. That’ll definitely wreck my productivity today. If I seem callous, it’s not callousness. It’s detachment necessary to function…and that detachment is something I am all too familiar with. I spent years being detached from my life and surrounding activities…to the point of losing a fiancee, a job, my sanity.

And when things like this happen, the shields come up, the shells go on, the armor tightens…and I feel like I’m in Tokyo. Observing, but not feeling. Forcing myself not to feel. It takes a force of will to remove the shields again. I spent the last three years dismantling them…communicating more, getting involved more. Ridding myself of learned instinctive behavior to function in a bad situation.

I am sitting at my desk, with lists of things to complete running through my head…and no emotion. I have been willing myself to feel something…and it’s very slow in coming. The few people I’ve come in contact with have been met with blank stares, no emotion. The guy who is all smiles at the muffin shop asked what was wrong…I guess my expression was pretty odd. I forced a smile at him…but he suggested that I just try to enjoy the day. I didn’t resent the comment…but I wondered intellectually if that were possible today.

I am OK. I think I’ve forgotten how fast the shields come up when they have to…and how fast I slip into this mode. I hate this mode. I know it’s necessary sometimes…as long as it goes away when it’s no longer necessary.

For now, I’ll just take advantage of it, and be productive, and get things done.

Hello, Thursday.

The battles begin…

Mood: Headachy.
Music: Invincible, Pat Benatar.
Game: World of Warcraft, Call of Duty, Guild Wars.
Book: Mirrorshades, Various.
Muffin: Raspberry-Sweet Plum.
Punchline: “Ting-ta-ting-ting…”

Quick Synopsis:

It’s still too hot in my apartment. I have a sinus headache. We won our match on Monday, remaining undefeated. Battlegrounds were released in World of Warcraft yesterday…and they’re far more fun than I thought they were gonna be. I’m having dinner with my brother tomorrow night instead of going to a company-planned event at the Mets game tomorrow night. We got a new server at work…which I haven’t had time to configure yet. Now that summer’s here, it seems like everyone’s blogging has cut down to at least half their original frequency.

I could expound on all of these things. Instead, I will merely say that all of these things are on my mind…which hurts.

I will write more about at least a few of these things tomorrow.

Promise.