This blog post contains spoilers about the game Too Human. Don’t read it if you’re playing it now…not that it’ll take you long to finish….
OK…the game is a not-as-good version of Diablo, although it’s effectively got a Norse mythos cyberpunk thing going on. It’s 3D, yes…but it’s linear 3D. That is, you can’t jump over a railing that’s waist height, even though you can jump 30 feet in the air to smack an enemy.
The problems don’t end there, though. You can find yourself in a ‘dungeon’ fighting a boss monster, and once he dies, without your doing anything, you’re teleporting back to home base, and find yourself in the middle of a cutscene. Linear narrative it ain’t.
There’s also these cyberwells that let you enter an idyllic cyberworld where you can do rudimentary things like push a door open. This has the symbiotic effect of opening a locked door in ‘the real world.’ Oh boy. Never saw that game mechanic before. It’s a waste of time because there’s no puzzle solving required. You walk up to the well, hit A, then walk down the linear path until you get to a glowing circle. Stand on the circle and pull one of the triggers. Walk back down the linear path to the well and re-enter the real world. I know. So clever, I’m wondering where my Nobel prize is for solving it.
You’re a God, in theory, but you can’t walk through tall grass, over waist high walls, or even knee high dips or rises in height. Unless you’re supposed to go there, in which case, you can blast gaping holes in several foot thick walls, if needed.
Still and all, most of that might be forgiven if the game were more than eight hours long. Yes, the combat system is quirky, and of course, like Diablo, it’s a huge lootfest, and the monsters are largely one of four types. With all that, the story is a retelling of the old Norse myths, and not a bad one.
Save for the fact that after you go to Helheim to kill Loki’s daughter, Hel, Loki is nowhere to be found, you see a cutscene that shows Loki with a big mechanized giant, and a VoiceOver saying that we have no idea where Loki is, but we have to find him, because he’s probably doing something bad.
And then the game ends. Took me 10 hours, even with all the cutscenes, and leaving it alone for stretches at a time while I grabbed a drink or got the phone.
The game took over 10 years to make, and we get a cliffhanger ripe for a sequel? Fuck that.
If I’d paid for this, I’d be pissed.
Yeah, it’s OK…but all that wasted potential makes me sick.
This one’s a rental.